I'm Leaving This City Today

I would introduce myself
but I will be someone else by the bottom of the page.  

I am afraid.

Afraid of lots of things.

Afraid of what the other humans think of me. 

Afraid of germs. 

Afraid that I might fall in love. What then? 

Afraid she won't like me back. 

Afraid of the dark.

Afraid of wasps. 

Afraid of tests.

Afraid I'll make a fool of myself. 

Afraid that I will fail my parents. 

Afraid that I won't get into college. 

Afraid of the notice in the mail saying that we are at war and I've been drafted. 

Afraid that I'll get hit by a drunk driver and die. 

Afraid to die. 

But the thing I fear most is far worse than death. Worse than a thousand deaths. I'm afraid that I will step through the iron doorway of this life only to discover to my absolute horror that I never lived. I fear a life of mediocrity more than the most violent of deaths. And I don't know when my road will end. That's another thing that scares me. 

I want to die knowing that I did it all. I want to die as Michael Jordan. I want to die as Buzz Aldrin. Or as Steve Jobs, a famous artist, a rock star, a skydiver, or a gymnast. I want to travel the world. I want to fish for piranhas in the Amazon River. I want to fall in love. I want to make a million dollars. I want people I don't even know quoting my words and marveling over my adventures. I want to be in a magazine. I want to be loved. I want people to like me. When my road ends, I don't want to be the Present Me. 

I want die as someone other than myself.

Someone braver, smarter, stronger, kinder. So starting now, I will begin my journey. My journey out of this city that I have built from shame, crushed dreams and a million past regrets. My faded hopes and crumpled ambitions stick to my shoes and wrap around my ankles, telling me to be content with who I am. But I don't want to be the same person I was yesterday. So I am loading up my pack and setting out, not to find myself, but to create myself. The last and final post written by Nutella Waffles will be written by a very different Waffle from the one currently writing this. Yesterday, I was afraid to sing because my voice might crack. I was afraid to dance because I didn't know how. I was afraid to talk to the opposite gender because I didn't know what to say.  

But I'm leaving this city today. 

I invite you to join me. Together let us leave our cities of the same old habits, the same limitations, the same comfort zones that have been with us so long they have grown stale. I'm still terrified. Perhaps I always will be. You probably are too. 

But I'm leaving this city today. 

I want to live in every moment of my life so when I die I will die free. I will die a brave person. I will die as someone other than the current me. So I ask you to decide now. Will you face your fears as I face mine?

Because I'm leaving this city today.